What The Actual Slut?

Yes, I am a self-confessed heaux. A slut, if you will. And I’m proud of it.

My views on sex and sexuality are, to put it mildly, at odds with mainstream society’s repressed structures, oppressive systems, conservative morality, and religious views.

But the above still find ways to push me back down and tell me that my body and, more pertinently — my pussy — is forbidden from entering the public sphere, and therefore must be shamed, restricted, and policed through means such as laws (ie. FOSTA-SESTA), attitudes (ie. double standards for male sexuality and sluttiness), and, of course, censorship (ie. Instagram’s long list of “community guidelines”).

This speaks to the blatantly obvious fear of a sexual woman. In other words — whorephobia. Yes, my friends, it’s a real thing. And it unfortunately affects a number of cishet men (and women) the world over. Remember that episode of Sex and the City where Trey was refusing to see Charlotte as a sexual being following marriage? It touches upon the centuries-old Madonna-Whore dichotomy, wherein a woman can only be one of the two. She can either be a slutty heaux, or a chaste prude — there can be no in between.

Of course, there are many reasons why some folks may find it difficult to accept a sexual woman. Part of a repressive upbringing, oppressive systems and structures, conservative societal and religious views, can all contribute to this. Not to mention perpetuating the notion that if a woman so chooses to celebrate her sexuality and sexual prowess, she must then be cast aside as a social deviant.

This sounds eerily familiar, does it not? Hint: witch hunts of yore. There is a reason “witch” and “slut” tend to be used synonymously in describing a sexual woman. This is terribly problematic.

It’s time to check your fucking privilege. Be aware of how your attitudes towards women can adversely impact the way she is allowed to show up. How does your view of her and your perspectives impact her environment? What kind of space do you create in your presence? Is is safe? Or is it threatening?

Ask yourself these questions before coming to the conclusion that a sexual woman is asking for it, or putting herself in dangerous situations, or being the perpetrator and instigator because of how she speaks, what she wears, or how she holds herself. Ask yourself why it is even a problem at all that a woman express herself freely in the body she owns, and the power she projects.

I’m not saying that everyone will be capable of reaching this level of respect and understanding towards women and their sexuality. Violence towards sex workers is a glaringly obvious indicator that society has a very long ways to go when it comes to accepting a woman’s birthright — her pleasure.

Although we are well on our way, no woman will be sexually free until every one of us is liberated from fear of persecution, rape, aggression, violence, exploitation, abuse, and any act which strips a woman of her power.

I commend the fierce, slaying goddesses that make it rain with that good good on the daily. Holding you in highest regard.

B.

Image via: Raquel Rottmann (IG: @corazonconleche)

2 thoughts on “What The Actual Slut?

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